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<< Fire sign former Fulham striker John
Chicago, IL (Sportsbook Betting Lines) - The Chicago Fire Soccer signed 24-year-old Dutch forward Collins John, the Major League Soccer club announced on Friday. "We are very excited to have Collins join the Chicago Fire," Fire Technical Direc

<< Blazers try to enhance playoff chances in clash with Kings
(Sportsbook Betting Lines) - The Portland Trail Blazers hope to improve their playoff chances tonight by earning a sixth straight win over the lottery-bound Sacramento Kings. The Blazers, who currently lead Memphis by four games for the eighth and fin

<< Bulls, Heat set to battle in Miami
(Sportsbook Betting Lines) - A pair of teams battling for playoff spots in the Eastern Conference square off tonight at Miami's AmericanAirlines Arena, where the surging Heat continue an important homestand by taking on the slumping Chicago Bulls.

<< Pistons resume homestand with visit from Wizards
(Sportsbook Betting Lines) - A pair of Eastern Conference also-rans continue playing out the string tonight in Auburn Hills, where the Detroit Pistons play host to the Washington Wizards. The Pistons fell to 1-1 on a three-game homestand Wednesday, wh

Karl to miss remainder of Denver road trip >>
Denver, CO (Sportsbook Betting Lines) - Denver Nuggets coach George Karl will miss the remaining three games of the team's road trip as he continues his treatment for neck and throat cancer. Karl missed the opening game of the trip on Wednesd

Eagles bring back WR Baskett >>
Philadelphia, PA (Sportsbook Betting Lines) - The Philadelphia Eagles announced Friday they have signed wide receiver Hank Baskett to a one-year contract. Financial terms of the deal were not disclosed. Baskett spent his first four years in th

Cards bolster O-line with Hadnot, Claxton >>
Tempe, AZ (Sportsbook Betting Lines) - The Arizona Cardinals announced Friday they have agreed to terms on contracts with offensive linemen Rex Hadnot and Ben Claxton. Hadnot's is a three-year pact and Claxton's a one-year deal. Financial t

West Ham tries to overcome Bolton disappointment >>
London, England (Sportsbook Betting Lines) - Last weekend's 2-1 loss at home against fellow relegation-strugglers Bolton did not sit well with West Ham manager Gianfranco Zola. But he is calling on his team to recover and pull off a stu

FOOTBALL TRASH TALK

Trash talk has a place in every competitive endeavor (except baseball; those stirrup-wearers are too busy chewing on their sunflower seeds and their supplements to worry about what their opponents are doing).

Fantasy sports is no exception. Any intelligent discussion of the subject would probably start with a thesis statement or a definition of terms. Thankfully, this wont be an intelligent discussion.

Let me just say that I am happy to take a place in this space alongside my talented colleagues, even our commissioner. (You should see how she bleats like a demented paper boy about league fees on our fantasy site).

Trash talking, I would argue, is primarily about amusing your friends, their sheeplike demeanors and sloping foreheads notwithstanding. The best place I have found for football trash talking is at www.SportsAlarm.com.

Beyond the entertainment factor, though, I would recognize that the sophomoric ritual has one advantage, when properly applied. It magnifies your fantasy triumphs and mitigates your fantasy failures by transforming the eventual point total into an afterthought. Winning makes it seem like your opponent really is a truss-owning, lapel-pin-wearing nitwit. And in defeat, trash talk can be the air bag to break the fall from your hyperbolic heights. The plug-necked yahoos on your team, you can say, will be sacking groceries by the end of the season.

The best trash talk, in my view, is layered and nuanced. And it doesnt focus only on your opponents team. It picks apart your opponent. The idea is to create a shock-and-awe-scale blizzard of nonsense, and the goal is to make your opponent drop his hands from his keyboard in exasperation.

What team does your opponent root for? Accuse a Giants fan of having a Joe Namath pillowcase. Wheres your opponent from? Give a look of concern no matter his reply, then say, I'll try to type slower for you next time. Is your opponent into politics? Label everyone a tax-and-spend corporate shill.

Cap all that with a liberal application of irrelevance. For instance, dont just conclude by saying your opponent is a twerp who drafts like my grandmother. Say that your opponent is a sweater-wearing, eyebrow-plucking twerp who drafts his team about as well as Zsa Zsa Gabor gave acceptance speeches at the Oscars. By the time your foe makes sense of that, his starting running back will have had puppies.

But what about you? Hmm? Recall a memorable slam? Have a tried-and-true technique? Know someone who seems impervious to insult? Take a moment and tells us about it. Put together some (fit-for-publication) thoughts. You wont be too busy returning phone messages from your friends, Im sure, to reply.

In addition to the trash talking, the Sports Alarm has a huge gallery of high resolution pictures of beautiful women and models in bikinis. The most popular models are: Lindsay Lohan, Carrie Underwood, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Paris Hilton.